Let's Talk About The "F" Word - Failure

Jun 6

So right now, I am actually a few weeks into teaching The VA Roadmap Live; if you don’t know what the VA Roadmap is, it’s my signature program teaching you how to start and grow your business as a virtual assistant, and I wanted this blog post to be kind of a little pep talk because something that I think comes up a lot for people when they are starting their business, or really ANY business – any opportunity that is outside their comfort zone, is the fear of failure.

And I’ll be honest, this actually isn’t something that I struggle with or something that holds me back I guess. I definitely think, “Shoot what if this doesn’t work out?” Or I get a little voice inside my head that kinda spirals into the negative “what if” scenarios.

I also think this has come up for me MORE after I had kids too honestly – maybe because there’s just so much more responsibility providing for my family? It’s not just me or me and my husband, ya know?

But as I said, it’s never been something that has held me back from actually doing things or taking hold of opportunities and I think it’s because of the perspective I have on failure in general, so I want to share that with you so if you are someone who thinks, “Yeah I 100% am afraid of failure and that holds me back from taking action”, then hopefully this helps you see another side to it all so you can shift your perspective!

So when I think about failure, there are really three things that come up for me and the first thing is that:

01. Making mistakes and failing are two different things

A lot of times, people assume, “Oh if I make a mistake, or mess up – I’ve failed.” And rarely is this the case. Mistakes happen ALL THE TIME. Especially in business. And a lot of mistakes are because you tried something and it just didn’t work, and that is OKAY! But some people might think “Oh I tried this, it didn’t work, therefore I failed.” That is the type of thinking that holds people back from actually pursuing their dreams. Instead of thinking about how that mistake can be a learning opportunity!

You can actually learn so much from mistakes you may make in your business or even things that are like launches that don’t live up to what you thought they would, or slow seasons in business. That is all really good information for you to look at just at face value.

Taking away the emotion of it because, look, no one likes making mistakes. No one likes a flop right? And you can feel sad or disappointed about it for a second, but part of being a business owner is looking at it like, “Okay this didn’t go how I planned, what can I do differently next time?” or “What can I change moving forward?” So when you look at it like this is just really good information for my business and what I do in the future, that is only going to help you get better!

Honestly, no matter what industry you are in, business is a lot of trial and error. Even things that work for some people might not work for others, so you have to be willing to try things and you have to be okay with some of those things flopping. It doesn’t mean that you failed – the word fail sounds so final. Like oops, you failed, it’s over – warm up the bus, and let’s go home.

This leads me to the second thing that I think about when it comes to failure:

02. We have a lot more control over failure than we think

When most people think about failure in business, they think about not making sales or not getting clients right? And I know that is a fear that people have because people come to me regularly saying “I want to start my business as a VA. I think I would be really good at it, and it would help me create a life I love, and it would give me more time with my family but – what if I don’t get any clients?” And there are so many layers to this really but at the end of the day, I really don’t think you just wouldn’t get clients. There are SO many ways to get clients, so many people that NEED VAs, so many ways to market… that I just don’t believe, in my CORE, do not believe it’s possible to just “not get clients” if you exhaust all of the avenues of marketing you could AND you continue to put the time in. Businesses are not built in a day. Or a week. Or sometimes even a month or longer! It takes time, and for some people, it takes longer, and that is not failure. That is just business! And it’s just information.

If you are in a position where you aren’t getting clients or you aren’t making sales if you are in a different type of business, I think taking time to reflect and say, okay what am I doing, what am I not doing, and what am I willing to try? There are so many ways to connect with and book clients so not only looking at it from a marketing standpoint but also what can you do to make your business more desirable? Can you learn and become an expert in a specific service that is needed and position yourself as such?

Before you throw your hands in the air and call yourself or your business a failure simply because you haven’t booked a client, take some time to dig into your business. Get a mentor to help you look at it from an outside perspective and give you suggestions. Do the work instead of just thinking that you failed simply because you aren’t where you thought you would be or because of where someone else is. That’s not failure, girl. That is just life.

We have control over whether you throw in the towel, or if we get back in the ring.

We have control over our perspective, right? Control over our THOUGHTS and what we believe is considered a failure.

We have control over how hard we work, and I don’t mean that in a gross hustle culture way, I mean that in a genuine “this is a business” way, and business takes time. It takes asking hard questions, it takes trying new things, it takes getting uncomfortable if you want to see success.

At the end of the day, “What if I fail” isn’t the most important question when you are starting your business:

👉🏻 How can I set myself up for success?

👉🏻 What support do I need in order to achieve my goals?

👉🏻 How could my life change for the better if I start?

👉🏻 What about this business supports the life I want to live?

👉🏻 What opportunities could this create for myself and my family?

THOSE are the important questions. Because the answers to those questions will get you closer to success, instead of holding you back from even trying at all.

Okay, the third thing that comes up for me when it comes to failure –

03. Quitting or walking away from something does not mean you failed

This is something I feel passionate about. Kind of like the last point – we have control over the narrative we tell ourselves when it comes to failure. And I just don’t think that quitting or deciding to walk away from something is a failure.

And it’s interesting because a few years ago, I used to actually believe that the only way to fail was to quit. I get the sentiment behind it right, it’s the idea that if you just keep trying and learning and whatnot, you will see success.

But it wasn’t until I decided to walk away from a business that was successful according to society’s definition, right? A great income, a lot of followers on social media, being asked to speak on stages… and yet I still decided to walk away because it was no longer in alignment with my values and priorities. I don’t consider that a failure at all – in fact, I think it takes a lot of courage and strength to walk away from something that you have spent so much time pouring into and then deciding it’s no longer right for you. And I learned SO MUCH from those four years I was building that business, which has just helped me get to where I am now.

I did the same thing actually when we had a merch shop. I have talked about it a little bit before, but back in 2019 my husband and I used to design and sell t-shirts, hats, sweatshirts, etc. and that first day we launched, we made somewhere around $11,000 in revenue. Like in 24 hours, and I am pretty sure we totally sold out but don’t quote me on that. It was crazy. And we continued to have really great restocks, and were making a profit with the shop. But after I got pregnant with my oldest, we decided to shut it down because it was just not a priority anymore. We had to narrow our focus and we just didn’t have the capacity to run the shop anymore.

It wasn’t because it wasn’t making money or because it was a bad experience, we just didn’t want to do it anymore. That isn’t a “failure” to me.

And I think the same even if you aren’t speaking on stages or you aren’t having huge launches – if you decide it’s time to quit or walk away from something, no matter the reason.

It’s no longer in alignment.

It’s not the right season of life.

It’s something you tried and you were like eh, I don’t think I actually like this.

I don’t think that is failure, I think it’s just information.

I always say that I believe that our experiences in life are often stepping stones. Each opportunity or experience gets us closer to where we are really meant to be, and even when we think we have “arrived”, it might be just for a season and then we grow or move on to something else.

I reject the idea that we have to do the same thing forever and ever because if we walk away or try something else, we fail.

I know I said I had three points but as I am thinking through all this I have one more point so let’s call it a bonus - here it is:

BONUS: One person’s idea of failure is another person’s idea of success

Just like people’s ideas of success are different, people’s idea of failure is different too. So maybe you have Sally who is disappointed that she has only booked 2 clients in the first month of her VA business because she really had a goal of booking 5 and she is feeling like a failure.

But then you have Susie who is ECSTATIC that she booked 2 clients in her first month because really that was her 6-month goal! She is feeling on top of the world.

Failure looks so different to everyone – and it has a lot to do with our goals. I want to point out that Sally is not wrong for feeling disappointed that she didn’t hit her goal – that is 100% valid. But instead of looking at it as a failure, she could look at it as an opportunity like “Okay I booked 2 clients by doing xyz, what can I do more of or what can I try, to bring on the other 3 to hit my goal?”

My point is that what someone might consider a failure, someone else considers a success – and it’s just something to be aware of.

I want to leave you with something that I think about a lot so here it is… At the end of my life, I want to be able to look back and think “I am so glad that I tried that” or “Oh well, that was a learning opportunity even if it didn’t work out the way I thought it would” vs. “I wonder what would have happened if I gave it a shot”?

I hope even though that little voice might pop up here and there asking, “Gosh what if I fail?” You are able to still take steps forward so you can create a life you love and make your dreams a reality. I’m rooting for you!